Stance | Total responsibility | Victim-think | Light-heartedness |
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Summary | We each create our own reality and are responsible for everything that happens in it | It’s not my fault and I am too weak to deal with it | Playfully co-create reality in collaboration with each other and the world |
What it denies | Contingency, limits | Responsibility, capability, freedom | |
What it fixates | Responsibility | Overwhelming power of circumstances | |
The sales pitch | Perfect circumstances can be achieved with sufficient effort | You are oppressed and therefore blameless | |
Emotional appeal | Fantasy of control over future | No need to make any effort | No need for self-criticism or for anxiety |
Pattern of thinking | Aggressive, paranoid | Fearful, depressed, emotionally manipulative | Effortless accomplishment |
Likely next stances | Specialness, true self, mission | Ordinariness, materialism | Nobility, ethical responsiveness |
Accomplishment | King of the Universe | Have all needs met by exploiting others’ pity | Effortless creativity |
How it causes suffering | Hypervigilance; can’t meet infinite requirements with finite capacity | Resentment, depression, neglect of opportunities | |
Obstacles to maintaining the stance | Obviousness of limits | Obviousness of opportunities | Hard to let go of need to be reassured about outcomes |
Antidotes; counter-thoughts | Letting go of fantasies of accomplishment; willingness to fail | Gratitude; letting go of payoffs; walking away; practical action | |
Intelligent aspect | Recognition of possibility | Recognition of limits | |
Positive appropriation after resolution | Experience depends more on our own perception & action than is usually thought | Because we have finite capabilities, we can cut ourselves some slack | |