Comments on “Peak experiences”

The 28 years may be due to the complete development of the cortex which ocurrs near that time.

I’m 28 right now :o

Now I’m 25, and about a year ago I was going through, well, the extremely reflective and deeply emotional state during and after break up. Now, after time passed, I’d found myself almost unconsciously interested in ‘meaningness’. When I found Meaningness almost randomly through my friend, it felt like this book had a language to describe what I somewhat deeply feel and understand already. Then, over several months I started to experience attraction to the ways of subtly playful existence, etc.

About experience.

It wasn’t apathy, rather a compulsive, constant desire to solve one problem, related to understanding Self and Other, and all that’s happening between. Like, to radically understand one specific relationship and release me of feeling of misunderstanding something fundamentally important to me. Yeah, that was a romantic relationship.

Well, I’ll set aside the question of if such a desire to understand something is healthy, but and the end of the day I wasn’t seeing everything as objects and concepts and interpretations because they weren’t of any help. It seemed like I started to strive to grasp every grain of information as a whole, undivided stream of stimuli. My intuition was absolutely irritated and sharper than ever, I monitored the subtle body language of person I spoke to, and it seemed like I went beyond all the regular forms of interpretation that I was comfortable with. I don’t know how… but probably it also was related to that I started to doubt the very fundament of my self-knowledge, on an emotional level. And it really gave me insights into what was going on by freeing me from the feeling that I understand ANYthing at all. Many of those hunches I couldn’t verbally explain, but some were really confirmed.

To be short, I’d say that was a peak experience in the sense that it was a deep one, with deep consequences on my worldview, and I felt viewing things differently at first (like, I saw the same familiar things, but ineffably and emotionally they were new ones as something inside them was changed, or my like my perception was seriously altered). Over time, as I was assimilating this rather shocking experience and ‘solving’ anxiety issue, intuitively I’d found myself almost unconsciously interested in meaningness and already close to the concepts of Meaningness. That indeed was extremely intense, important, and revelational only after assimilation over 1.5 years. But nowhere orgasmic, more like crucifying, hellishly exhausting, and even traumatic (but, manageable).

Worthy to note, I think somehow ideas close to Meaningness adopted by me are related to the resolution of that huge anxiety issue. Probably I was on the way already, and then caught blasting-ass-booster.