Finding meaning through internal conflict consequent to choices This is written by a 75 year old who suffered the consequences of his wife's secret affair in his 30's. The unfolding of the meaning of that experience revealed to me the very nature of consciousness and how self identity determines my perceived reality. The scientific hypothesis of how the complex of emotions, feelings and the awareness of feelings affects our conscious and unconscious identity I later found in Antonio Damasio's “The Feeling of What Happens” and “Descartes' Error.” Originally my cognitive dissonance and depression coming from the unanticipated emotions, forced upon me in reaction to the loss of who I thought I was, forever changed my concepts of meaning. Throughout a long period of accepting the validity and necessity of being conscious of the relationship between feelings and concepts in order to just be, I dissolved the Cartesian illusion that had left me meaningless. I can now say after a meaningful life that my self identity is created in each conscious moment by the “co-naissance” of a feeling with an idea. I think and feel therefor I am meaningfully me. I well understand if you do not find this meaningful as I have been there too.